Before I realized what was happening, I got up and one foot was stepping in front of the other. It was as if my body, and the tiny body inside of me, were telling me to leave. And so, I did. I turned my back on the woman who struggled to answer my questions, and I walked past the man I barely knew who waited for me in the lobby. I left the abortion clinic and decided to give my baby a chance at life.
I never believed abortion was good, but I had gone to the clinic in order to please those around me. My parents shamed me when they learned I was pregnant, and the father of the child offered to pay for the abortion. While I valued the life inside of me, I doubted my own value. I lacked confidence and a sense of self-worth and struggled to see in myself someone worthy of love or someone who was capable of raising a child. I thought that my family and the stranger in the lobby would love me if I aborted my child. I was wrong.
Would an abortion worsen my existing mental health issues? The clinic worker couldn’t promise otherwise. The cold walls of that clinic would not be able to provide the support or guidance I was desperately seeking. While I had no idea what waited for me outside of the clinic doors, I knew that for my own mental health, as well as the life of my child, I would need to take a risk and find out.
With the help of my church and my doctor, I was connected to Bethlehem House. I showed up at the doorstep 11 weeks pregnant, homeless and jobless, scared, with no sense of self-worth and serious mental health issues. I was worried that the staff inside would not accept the broken woman that stood before them, but instead they took me in with a confidence I hoped to one day possess myself.
There I began taking financial and parenting classes and was able to obtain a job, something that I had always struggled to keep. I was forming healthy relationships with the other women in my community and I eventually gave birth to my miracle of a son, Jude. Despite the pure magic that emanated from his small body, my mental struggles began to get the best of me and I fell into a postpartum psychosis.
Thankfully, Bethlehem house had a plan in place to care for my newborn son and moved me to a hospital. While in the hospital, I was able to get the help that I needed and two weeks later I returned to Bethlehem House to be the mother that Jude deserved.
Because of Bethlehem House, I was able to get my life back on track and heal from the mental struggles that once consumed me. They encouraged me to not only become a great mother, but a great woman as well. They helped me to repair the relationship with my parents, find friends, pay off debt, finish college and keep my job as an early pre-school teacher. Each morning I smile at my remarkable son as I watch him enter the classroom next to mine. Jude, along with all of the children I teach, is a constant testimony to the beauty and value of life.
Finding Bethlehem House and becoming a mother are the best things that have ever happened to me and I can truly say that without Bethlehem House I would probably be dead. While I hold immense pride and gratitude for the woman who left the abortion clinic, I no longer recognize her. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a mother whose son loves her with every ounce of his being. I see a woman who had the strength to give her child the best life possible. But most importantly, I see a woman who against all odds, chose life and with the help of true guardian angels, is now happier and healthier than she ever thought possible.